Well it's easter...and family dinner is done and now I'm a wreck. I hate it. I hate that for no reason I feel like this. I hate that I don't know if my thoughts are normal. I hate that the doctors tell me to keep taking medicine even when I say I don't feel right on it. IM RAGING AND I CANT TELL WHY! I'm angry IM ANGRY!! ROAR. I'm done caring I don't want to have to anymore. I want to fuel up and disappear and not do anything anymore. Currently I want to punch my self in the face.. I want to feel something. I want pain. Pain I understand.... The physicalness of it. The control, the release. But instead I'm laying in my bed crying (even though I'm so angry I could scream) fidgeting my feet around and blogging. Apparently some people find this helpful..... Don't understand why. It's words. Words are empty.. I need to feel...I need to live.... But not like this... Hate being me. Hate looking at me. Hate being such in my head, no escape... Yay. FML. Hate that it's almost eleven and I can't sleep. I came even calm down enough to breathe. I need to feel pain... Being crazy sucks. World is probably better without my negative contributions. But my marshmallows world would be shattered.. Some one pull me out. Someone hold me close. Someone understand.
